Today, the English mid-year papers.

They were not so bad I guess. Just boring to no extent, especially the comprehension which left me asleep for 20 mins.

I picked aspiration for my composition topic. Basically I just revolved everything round "What do you want to be when you grow up?"because I just wanted to keep it simple and add a sort of child like touch to it. I am not sure if my ending made sense but it should be quite a nice story I suppose.

The rest of it went by with such zest I had no idea what had happened.

After that, Lucas, Ian, Nick, Ke Li, Wong Chong, Jeremy, Shaun and I went to Seoul Garden in Takashimaya to celebrate Lucas' b'day which is next week. Happy Birthday in advance.

The funniest thing happened after we first stepped in. The cost of our meal was to be $116.40 and everyone had to pay on the spot. But that wasn't just it. The cashier had made a mistake and keyed in $1044.10 for our CHANGE. So we were just demanding for it. XD

LOL.

Then the prefects came.

That looks like one...umm...nice group. -.-'''

Haha, we ate for 2 hours non-stop. I felt kind of filled but it just didn't stop me. I paid a nice sum of money and I was certainly going to get that value. We ate beef, chicken, mussels and all sorts of other stuff. Wong Chong was just weird. He was asking me how to check and see if the mussels were cooked and when I took the cooked one for him he asked me if it was cooked. -.-. If I say it is cooked, it's COOKED. And at the other table Nick, Ke Li, Shaun and Jeremy were just playing with food. And they had to eat everything because we pointed out the extra charge if food is wasted.


I just look plain weird. But Lucas still looks bear-ish.

After all that, I left the place to come home.

Read my book, sms-ed Duckie and did some stuff.

I am kind of beat, since all that cooking in seoul garden...so ciaoz.

This week is just horrible. Bottom line. I hate coming home each day, I hate leaving my friends, I hate not being able to be there for my friends and I hate my life.

My birthday was a great day, until I got home. I didn't hold any feelings about my birthday, it just felt like...another day. Just that it turned out, worst than just another day.

Went through school, did the NE quiz, went to Powerhouse, talked to Jos, went for dinner and finally to come home just to get run down. I am just a useless inferior human being that my parents hoped would be a good investment but they are no tseeing returns so they are condemning me to be a failure for the rest of my life. True I guess, I am useless, I have no skill, I am never good enough as a friend or anything. I am just a worthless piece of trash. Something that should never have happened 16 years ago. I am JUST A FUCKING FAILURE WHO HAS NO SAY IN WHAT HE CAN DO OR WHAT HE CAN BELIEVE IN. No, I WILL fail my mid years. I WILL NOT make it to ACJC. OH OH! I missed out. I WILL MOST DEFINITELY fail my O levels. Because I simply am TOO INFERIOR as a human to be successful or useful in life. Maybe shrivelling up then dying is better, but NO I owe too many people my miserable lives and they should get back what they paid for.

My birthday wish for this year. More time with my family, better relationships and exceeding grades. Forget it. I change my mind. My wish for this year, SURVIVE THIS DOG GONE WORLD.

Just leave me alone and let me be. I am not good enough to be a friend of anyone, much less a "BEST" friend.

Hey people. Hmm...I am kinda on high energy now. So anyway lets move on the the main thing. Duckie made a letter, I am not going to reply n that format simply because...I don't really like the write letters. The format is troublesome.

So Friday was rather cool. It dragged a bit, but my class got like 6 practice papers for our mid-years which is kind of good because I need the extra practice if I don't want to be in that 80% of the cohort who are predicted to fail. Not that that's going to come true, I mean 80% is definitely too drastic...But Mr Mak did say the paper was hard. So we had LS on that day, everyone was just laughing and no one had any real idea of what was going on. After school, I followed Shaun to cell group meeting with a pit stop at his house first. Then after cell group we just played with the guitar a bit, I still can't really get the strumming down. But I had to go home because I was on high demand at home too. So I headed home and my dad had alrdy gone to work so I was doing my work and on the com...dozed off and woke up at 2 am to turn off the com.

I woke up at 8 am on Saturday, and I was planning to go for a carnival. But because there was no reply from my friend and the fact that my parents woke up late made me think about it again, and this time I just decided not to go. I need to spend more time with my family since I am not stuck around the house on weekends a lot. So we had breakfast at Tanglin Halt. Then I came home and did more work. Made my way down to FORUM at 3.30pm...And my mum asked me why we left at such an early time, problem was...she suggested it. So we just went along anyway. It was a 20 mins trip by bus to FORUM. And when I got there we had lunch and just sat around with my cousin waiting for Nigel's class to start. Then my mum sent him up, my cousin when to go for her daughter's meet-the-parents session and I went to meet my mum too. After that I just went to go grab some stuff I needed from Watsons and ran up to JG to join the class. Not that I am there as a student, but as a guest. It felt horrible to not be part of that fun loving group and instead feeling like a total stranger in that environment, yet there was another part which was glad that I was there, at least for that hour or so. I had a great time there, watching all the performances and then I headed home. Had dinner. And I sort of fell into a bout of depression. I felt that Iwas not good enough to be there, in that room with Douglas, Kimberly, Harsh and the others. Looking at their progress, I felt that maybe I had been a source of tension within that fun atmosphere. Simply because I was not exposed to as much stuff as them and I was too focused on being there for my exams that I forgot about the fun of it all. I have my close friends to thank for being there for me when I was down. (: You people ROCK!

Today was okay, just that I woke up at 6.30am thinking that it was Monday. I opened the door to see my dad ironing the clothes and he told me he just came home. Then I realised my error in the day and went back to sleep. Man, I am too caught up with school. I snoozed till 9.30am, washed up, got changed and headed to CHC.I got there pretty early and did some homework. Then Darice came up to meet us and I got a form to fill. Then it was service time. Praise and worship went great. Sidney was a great musician and his songs are really powerful. I felt the presence of God within the air itself. Then it was a sermon by Pastor Kong who just got back and rushed from the other service at Expo. After service the cell group had a surprise for me. Haha, Thanks N350 you guys are awesome! Then Eunice, Wei Sheng and I went to JP to have lunch, we stayed there till 5pm before everyone parted. I got home, changed, was told to go changed out of my home clothes and left for Vivocity to catch "The Forbidden Kingdom". Bought tickets for the 9pm show. Went for dinner at Marche which is this restaurant which looks like a huge indoor marketplace. Okay, not really huge but it was cozy. Then we went window shopping for a while and the movie started. The movie itself was quite a treat. But it is one of those action-based "RPG" movie, based on a fairytale. The cinematics were pretty good, the plot is not THAT bad and the action is average too. So, I guess my rating for it is an okay, nothing more. And after all that I finally managed to come home, get a nice warm bath and do this post.

Now, on the Dread. Art lesson resumes on Tuesday, I have practically nothing and I have no inspiration. T.T I don't feel like facing LSL. She IS INTOLERABLE!!! >.<

B'day: 2 more days [as of 12.35am, Monday]
Exams: 5 more days.

"I felt invisible.
As I looked from where I was,
I didn't even meet those eyes.
I was in plain veiw,
yet I was nowhere in sight.

I spoke and no one heard.
I have lost my voice
to the things around.
Now all I hold on to is a shred.
A single shred of hope.

A hope so thin,
so fragile
and so unrealistic.

I felt a sense of self deception,
nothing is set in stone anymore.
My mind wanders,
I want the fragments back,
the fragments of my soul
and my heart.

It is not right to steal,
but is it okay...
...if it is done without knowledge?"

Gosh, that sounds quite emo. Haha, I need a way to vent something. Everything is so controlled, school, home, streets. Singapore can really destroy creativity at times.

*Sigh* This is quite a mouthful. I should scoot now, don't want to be late for school again. Ciaoz peeps.

Yo people. I am starting to break down. Exam stress, stress, stress...and I need to remember to bring my A math 10 years series back home to do.

So...this week wasn't so bad. Just that I was late on the first day of school by like...I don't know, 40 mins? It was rather uninteresting as the day went by, talked to Shaun and Ke Li after school in the comfy corner of the library. I got a bit depressed when I got home, did my work and went to snooze.

Tuesday, I hate this day, there was no art that day so it was infinitely better but still... I felt really depressed somehow. Obviously I was not having the best week ever but I managed some decent work and I was reading Twilight to de-stress. And I was quite tired so I ended my day early.

Wednesday was fine for me. I was starting to feel better. So the school day went by, and we got a revelation by the math department on the predicted statistics on Mid-year A math paper. 80% FAILURES. Like, WOW, really encouraging. So after that Shaun and I went to Powerhouse, then Eunice came and after that I hung round till about 4.30 pm and I left. Came home, did physics, read the ending of Twilight, talked to Jos over the phone for a bit, posted a few of my drawings on Deviantart and went to sleep.

This morning I woke up feeling okay, I guess. I just kind of felt blank, didn't want to do anything. So school was okay, then after school I came home, bathed, changed to some fresh clothes and left the house. Had Chinese tuition and only 2 people were there...Pei Ru and Me. The place was so quiet and sorta cold. So I got a paper from Tanjong Katong Girl's School to do. And I fell asleep, that was how friggin' hard the paper was. I looked at the question and I felt all clammy and tired...Yea, after tuition was over I was kind of dazed alrdy. So my dad came to fetch me, then got my mum and we went for dinner. My bro was irritating all the way. Came home after dinner which was DUCK noodle. I packed my bag and doing A math now. Sigh, how life rocks.
Sorry that I didn't sms you Jos, just a bit busy and really worn.

Picnic of words: 2 days!
B'day: 6 days!
Vic's B'day: 7 days!
Mid year exams: 8 days...


Man, it sure is eventful for me...I don't know how I am going to survive in this little urban jungle.

Its been a long day...

Woke up at 9.30 am today, freshed up and left the house. Then I headed off to City Harvest. Reached there at about 10.40 am and I went to the cafeteria to meet Eunice to study...managed to finish all my homework, that's a plus. So after that I got a pack of chips and we went to go wait for service to start. Then during service, I kinda enjoyed myself and let loose a bit in praise and worship. After that it was a sermon about prayer. Then service came to an end at roughly 3 pm. Went for lunch with the cellgroup...and after that Darice, Eunice Shaun and I went back to CHC for a prayer meeting. And I dunno what happened but since I said that I was interested in learning how to play the guitar it seems like I might end up learning it. Hurra to that...ehh...*dazed*.
.
.
.
.
.
SO ANYWAY, after that I went off to meet my parents at Yew Tee. And had dinner around that area and then I came home. Yep, that covers my day out... It is not a lot but it felt long...YA...

You know, I have absolutely no idea what I am saying sometimes...this is one of those times.

Don't shun away from me when I talk to you.
Don't look away when I see you.
Don't pull away when I reach out to you.

Don't.

I don't need you to reply me when I speak,
Just listen.
I don't need you to lock gaze with me,
Just be who you are.
I don't need you to follow me if you don't want to,
Just acknowledge me.

Please.

We know that no one is perfect, and that everyone makes mistakes.
Yet why do we always turn away when the guilty want to amend?

I wonder...

Hmm...yea. I guess that's all folks. Haha, have a great week ahead and have fun. (:

Hey everyone. Another week has gone by and I am in quite a bad state. I mean...I have had better days. This whole weeks has been a week of insomnia...I think it is because of my horrible self esteem and the fact that I am worrying about my O levels. But I still managed to focus in class generally, and keep my cool.

Monday was just...well...Monday. It came and went like the bottle which I kicked onto the road that got hit by a car then run over by the rest of the traffic. It was...pretty darn boring.

So then Tuesday came along with a rather good time planned. I had a talk after school so I could skip my 5 stations on that day. The day in school felt great, cuz all those little midgets and noisy little fags running around you. So it was a peaceful day. The talk was great, my class was quiet and most of the ideas came from A1...meh. So after that I went home to meet my dad and bro, then we went to fetch my mum. I suggested to go to Yaki Yuki for dinner since it was my mum's birthday. After that, it was a ride on the Flyer. It was quite a fun ride, 1/2 an hour. But the things there are simulated to be like an airport...quite lame. Still, I tried to enjoy myself as much as I could up there. After the ride it was off home and I just fell asleep instantly.

Wednesday was a rather interesting day. School went on as usual. Then I went to Powerhouse with Shaun to pray and met Eunice there too. Shaun had to go for tennis and I stuck around to study a bit with Eunice before leaving at 4.30pm. Shaun had also told me that Darice and himself was going to pay a short visit to my house later that day. My parents were unexpectedly quite alright with all that. Then they came over at around 8pm, stuck round a bit before that and we all just chatted with my parents about....stuff. Then they went back I did a bit of studying and went to sleep.


Thursday was okay, there was school...then Chinese tuition. Wraps up the day. Lol.

Friday, I woke up without wanting to do anything. Didn't want to go to school either, but who has a choice in O levels?... So school went by, my mood got foul but I managed to blow off some steam somehow. Then Ke Li and I followed Shaun to his house, then we met Sean at Rivervale Mall and I bought some refreshments for the cellgroup and we headed to Darice's house. Cellgroup meeting started at 5.15pm and it was quite fun. It ended at 7pm and I hung around with the rest. Then headed off to buy dinner and took a bus home. The bus ride was nearly 1 hour long...I got a backsore from stilling on the same spot for that long and a slightly stiff neck from sleeping in an awkward position. After I got home I ate my dinner, did a bit of physics and fell asleep. Woke up at 1.17 am to turn off the com...*sigh*

Today, i woke up at 10.40 am. Quite a long nap...and I felt to after math of not training for sit ups instead of pull ups. My stomach muscle was cramped and my neck was still a bit stiff. But I managed the morning quite well. It was pouring. And in the afternoon my bro had JG so my mum and I followed him to FORUM. I really want to go back there after the june holidays. I miss drama, never knew how fun it was until I faced the mundane world of reality around me. So anyway, after that I had dinner at Sakae and bought myself a new book, Twilight. Seems like a nice book. I got home at 8pm and now I am just trying to do my homework. Isn't much and I am planning to finish it by today.

That is all for my week. I wish I could have gone to support Andrew, but I didn't have the energy or time left. I am sure he did great. (:

Gotta go do my homework now, probably going to sleep at 1 - 2 am since I overslept this morning. Ciao.

Hey yo, I am seriously worn out. But then again, I do feel quite energetic given how long I have been out for. My life is getting better day by day, except for the academics part...I could use some help there. Anyone?

Now, after all the Hoo Ha on Friday I was well tired. So I woke up at 10.45 am on Saturday. Then I went for breakfast with my family, came home. Rested for 15 mins. Headed out to Takashimaya to meet my cousins and my aunt. So after I got there 1/2 and hour late, we went to a Japanese restaurant there for lunch. The bill for 4 people came up to $65, not so bad for quality Japanese food. After our meal I brought them up to Kinokuniya to check out some manga that my cousin was interested in. She likes Death Note, but it is irritatingly expensive. So after walking through Kinokuniya and Borders. We decided not to buy it just then but to buy it one at a time. Then we headed to FORUM where I met my mum and my other cousin...cuz my bro was having class in JG and my niece had lessons in Lorna Winston. So I just hung round there, and then I went to go pick my bro up. Saw someone again, and that someone gave me that look again. Sheesh, what did I ever do wrong? So after all that my bro, mum and I took a bus to Mt Elizabeth to visit my aunt who just had an operation. I was behind Tara, and I think she noticed my mum and I at the bus stop. After the bus ride and all, a sms came asking : 'So you're not going to talk to your favourite teacher anymore?'. I was like...O.O. And I replied that I didn't want to interrupt and intense conversation which was taking place. Haha. Then I met up with my Grandma and more cousins...-.-...for dinner. We had dinner at Lucky Plaza and met with my uncle there. Then my bro, mum and I went up to the hospital and hung round for quite a while because my other uncle went to get a change of clothes for the night. By the time I got home, it was 11.30 pm and I was quite dazed. Then I just walked round the house for a bit...forgot what I did. Then I went to sleep.

This morning was interesting. Woke at 6 am, fell asleep. Woke at 7.15am, fell asleep. Woke at 8.10am, fell asleep. Woke at 8.50am, then Shaun called again because I didn't answer the first time. So he told me that he'll meet me at City Harvest at 11 am. So I got up and got changed and left at 10.15am...and I still reached there late anyway. I got there at 11.15 and I met Shaun just outside the lobby and he brought me up to the cafeteria. There I studied with Eunice while Shaun went to serve. Until 12.10pm when we went down for service. It was great, everyone was very energetic and all. I have never experience anything like CHC. And the message was inspiring, making me ask myself who I was and what I was actually able to achieve after all. After service it was a short little gathering outside, and we prayed for someone who was going to start school tomorrow. And I got a Hillsong CD as a welcome gift, my first one too. So after service, I went for lunch with Shaun, Eunice and Wei Sheng. Then I headed down to Orchard to meet Jos. The trip to Orchard was like...blur blur...drag myself from train to train. Lol, and I still managed to get there earlier than Jos...I was planning to reacher there by 4.15pm. But I arrived at 4.50pm. And Jos arrived at 5.15pm. So we studied till 8 pm and I asked to leave. So we went to Lucky Plaza for dinner [again...-.-]. And I went to Mt Elizabeth to wait for my parents. Watched I, Robot there. And then my dad came to fetch me...and now I am home. Quite worn out. But not sleepy yet, haha.

Phew, it was one heck of a weekend. I feel better after that anyway. Managed to finish most of my homework. I need to get a Longman assessment book for A math. The week of tests this week. My class is gonna turn into a flock of seagulls. Meh.

Anyway, I am gonna get some stuff done now. Cya.

Hey people, its been a long and tiring week. And I guess I feel a bit worn out by all the swirly-whirly things going around me.

Wednesday was alright because it was a short day and I went to Riverwalk for bible study with Shaun, and we went to see powerhouse too. It was a nice experience. So after that I got home and managed to do some homework. Then the rest of the day just zoomed by as usual. Thursday was a drag... Chinese tuition was LOOONNNNGGGG...And I only scored 53/100 for chinese mid years?! So after that it was raining cats and dogs, so I went out for dinner with my parents and stuff....etc...so the day just flew pass.

Today was not so bad. I just still feel very lousy about myself. Not being able to do this and that even if I put in my 110%. My classmates and teachers sure are very supportive, who knows right? Maybe one day calling a person stupid or saying that something is wrong with them might actually help them improve, ONE DAY...not soon. So after school I came home and changed then went to Hougang for Cellgroup meeting at Darice's house. The meeting was fun even though it was only a few people, they actually had more energy than most of the other people I have seen. So after Cell, I took a bus with Ke Li to Hougang MRT station and made my way to Queenstown. Where I met Kenneth to go watch AVPR at SICC. The place had more people than we expected, but the movie was nice. The ending was a bit of a disappointment but the Predator was one cool thing. So after the movie I went to Adam Rd hawker center to buy my dinner and ate it at Kenneth's house then his mom fetched me home.

*Sigh* The past few day I have been really depressed and angry at myself for not being good enough. Not being smart enough, not being fit enough, not being eloquent enough...etc. The list goes on. I feel like a failure for not being there enough for my friends when they needed someone. Not being able to keep my friends close to me. Not being able to help my friends. And I am angry at myself for not having the courage to even talk to a friend.

Anyway, I am feeling kinda sleepy alrdy. Should go catch some ZZZs. Cya.

Hey everyone. This week is starting out as quite literally 'one of those days'. And I really feel like venting some steam on something.

Monday was not all that bad. Had school, then headed down to Plaza Singapura with Nick Yue, Ke Li and Shaun where Shaun talked to Ke Li and I about some stuff. And after that we hung round for a bit and then we left. When I got home, I just felt like going to slack. But I had homework to do, so I dragged myself to do them. After all was done and well, I just came on MSN and chatted. After all the conversations, I felt like a useless bugger and a lousy person. So I just went to sleep and made a decision to just give up.

Today, I woke up fine and all. So I just went to school, usual stuff. Had to put up with antics on the class. When I look around, I really can't believe the maturity level of people in my school. If I could use one word to describe the jokers there, it would be 'idiots'. Simply definition of an idiot is an uneducated person. I guess it is alrdy kind of a lenient term to use on them in this case because some just refuse to act like normal people. They act like bloody animals, making me wonder why I didn't appeal to ACS(I) when I had the chance so that I could be around normal humans for a change. So anyway, after school was over. I headed to Bishan stadium for NAPFA 2.4km run. It was raining and we were hoping that the rain would be able to call off the run. But it subsided and the run went on anyway. I managed to pass with a timing of 13 mins and 32 secs. I was surprised when most people passes 2.4km and only a few failed this year. I guess everyone gets fit by 16, hmm...wonder why? Preparations for Poly and JC? Haha. And after that I hung round a bit to talk to some of my friends and took a ride from Kenneth to the bus-stop at Serene and took a bus home. And I just fell asleep after my bath. Then Jos smsed me and played a prank on me, and I just went along with it cuz I was sleepy and then noticed my mistake when I was sober. Now I feel like a completely hopeless person. Pathetic to no measurable extent. *sigh* I hate my life, everyone says I have 'talents'. Yea right. I suck at art, my acting is horrible, my grades are simply crap, my hobbies are useless and fun to insult...what else is there? Family? Friends? What are those apart from people who manipulate you and leave you high and dry after gaining their benefits? I never got to know, and I guess I will never get to know. Why try so hard? So what if others put you down when they are right? Prove yourself to them? Only if you have the ability.

That vision I had when I was a child. Where is it now? How do you find your goal in life when all people do is show you how helpless you are in what you do? They say: 'Prove that you are better than what they think.' Prove? How? By getting good grades? By earning money? By winning them in competitions? There is no possible way that you can prove yourself a better person when someone has a fixed impression of you as inferior. No matter how hard you try or improve. That's how life goes. And the most ironic thing is that humans are the 'kings' of the earth, yet they are unbelievably weak in all aspects. Now where is my purpose to fulfill? Maybe I don't have one. Maybe all I am is just another person who is thrown in this place to suffer. What's the point of trying so hard..

Alright that's all for today. I am tired of trying hard, maybe I should just let go of myself for a bit. Get my mind back together rather than to just go with a 'programmed' system in my head. Cya round.