//Someone once told me, "Don't play things up in your head." That's how to live. I'll live by that code, especially looking at people around me falling down.//


It has been a crazy week since moving into Fort Canning Park for rehearsals. @.@ The biggest time consumer in my life right now.

Oh, that along with FYP. Which is going just brilliantly, 2nd Week into school and we still haven't met our organization. Yep, we are totally behind time now. :/ Doesn't help that all the other assignments are hanging over our heads. I pray that my GPa this sem doesn't slip.


I'll leave ya'll with this. Much too tired and too overwhelmed to continue.

~~
IF you see this, I miss you.
~~
Wanna get my guitar soon!! (: (: (:

Let's do a rain check. I am a 19 year old Singaporean Boy. I am currently 3rd Year in SP Diploma in Applied Drama and Psychology. I don't like to reveal a lot about my relationships nowadays. Am rapidly looking forward to graduation and doing work related to my field of interest. Am socially awkward (as I'd like to perceive myself). Have no time to take my BTT to get my licence. Worrying about NAPFA, FYP and Internship all in 1 year. Love the stage, the company of people and...-at this point most people would include a vague character indicating to a romantic interest of the opposite/same sex, as for me- myself.

Okay, so I lack a licence, a proper relationship status and a diploma. Traded up for an apparently rare sense of self esteem which equates with narcissism, some simple social skills and opportunities to be heard on a stage. Pretty alright if you ask me. (:

So anyway, I'm in the 19 club now. And I do feel different. I have definitely changed and hopefully gained wisdom throughout the whole of last year. 18 was a bittersweet year for me, challenging my ability to trust, my openness to new experiences and my personal judgement. It has taught me a lot about the concept of living an honest life, granted me new frames to observe the world through and acceptance for who I have been and who I am today. Which brings me to my next point...


A LIGHTSABER

Courtesy of Lucas Tan, Benjamin Khoo and Ke Li, in mention Joscelyn Tan, Shaun Tay, Wong Chong and because I ran into him - Nick Yue. The simplicity of this toy has made it one of the most enviable present I have gotten in a while. The concept is just so fun!! I do love things that glow-in-the-dark and are fun to have. This is almost perfect!!! Just that my little bro stole it from me the moment I got home. LOL...sorry guys nothing I could do about that!!! ): But I appreciate all you've done, all the same. Pity I didn't have more time with you all. It is a regrettable issue on my part.

This is a summable part of my year as an 18 year old, but I need to take the time now to go through catharsis for this lesson. Multi-Level Marketing, Network Marketing, Social Marketing - MLM. MLMotherfuckin' M. Do forgive me on my language, as foul as it is I do hold very strong thoughts about it now. I've been through this, out of naivety, stubbornness, denial and a dash of foolishness. This is an industry where I believe people are humane and want to help - that's the ideology. Unfortunately, not everyone has that people relation skills or work ethics that are necessary. I think the whole system within Singapore is seriously messed up. Youths who are barely 18 are going in there starting in this line, mostly without prior knowledge about ethical considerations of the trade or what are the soft skills required. And as a society, I feel that Singapore needs to admit that soft skills (e.g. how to love, people relations, creating a relationship) are not BORN into you. Neither does everyone learn at the speed of a regulated clock from observation. This one industry has brought me a desire for understanding and detest for ignorance, and planted griefs in my mind that I am still weeding out. After 2 more months, I will push my way out of this history and any connection with this part of my past will be gone. Forever.

I have somehow managed to claw my way into a place at The Young Co. with SRT. It has taught me valuable things about the craft of theatre, made me think, given me connections to new people and spurred my passion for the art of playing. (: For that I really thank God for keeping watch upon my dreams and giving me blessed opportunities in this short little life.


Of course I appreciate dessert with me parents too.

@10atclaymore in Pan Pacific Orchard. Macaroons for the first time in my life (yea I am that deprived), along with mint fudge cake -simply delightful- gula melaka sago - which was light on the tongue - vanilla Crème brûlée - ergh.- and HONEYDEW PUDDING!!!! This plate just radiates foodgasm. The only thing worth it there was the Oven Baked Salmon!! I skipped out on the fondue...cuz it seemed like a strawberry one and there were no marshmellows. )': HOW DOES ONE DO A FONDUE WITHOUT le MARSHMELLOWES?! But it was time with Family, who's complaining??

Of course I went drinking with Mark, Jeremiah, Constance and Juanita @ Roku. What happened? I'll leave it to imagination. But it started with Never Never Ever.

So looking forward towards my 19th Year...I do want to find some form of true inner peace, learning meditation and emotional awareness. Get over the need to hold back what I want to express, due to the fear of judgement and rejection. And of course, have a totally different experience of life through different lenses again!! Robin Sharma - "Some people live through the same year 80 times and call it a life." (This is paraphrased for benefit of doubt) I'll not live life on repeat. There's more to life, always.

Adieu.

The first week of school is over. I'm beaten down by the workload alrdy. So many expectations and requirements. Final Year Project is so damn specific, yet professional. Sigh....

My longest days are Mondays...starting at 10am and ending at 4pm. Talk about Monday blues. ): Well, it seems like Professional Prep and CDI will be quite fun. And Hurray!! for 4 days school weeks.

1st day of school was quite a bad start. For a few reasons. 1, there were people who have been affected by certain shifts in social dynamics and still can't let go of certain grudges in their hands. 2, we had a lecture about work that did not pertain to the school in any way over the holidays by our PTN. 3, it was the first day of school.

Let's go straight to point no. 2. One thing I am getting frustrated and annoyed with about DADP lecturers is their ability to paint everyone over with the same brush within a single lecturing/reprimanding session. There have been complains from the company about certain individual, but the class doesn't deserve to be reprimanded for it and certainly for those who work within the company - they do not need to public humiliation in front of the gracious presence of their classmates. And to add on to that, in terms of the company, I personally feel that feedback should be given to the employees instead of the institution that the said "employees" are from. I won't question ethics but the effectiveness of such feed-backing is very damaging to both the company and institution. As for work conduct, painting everyone over with the same brush is definitely not the way to go. Just saying. I enjoy my work and I'd like to believe that I hold a due amount of respect for the company and it's work.

I could continue complaining but #smgohsaydontcomplainsomuch.

Organizational Psyche was nice. To be ridiculed for having dreams of being a business owner instead of bowing down to the idea of being an employee. Sigh, I really worry about the future of Singapore - but if people don't care, who am I to judge them?

Went to watch Rio with Sherri, again. Last minute planning much?

Got some books from esplanade library (I really should return my books on time - this whole issue of paying fines is srsly getting out of hand.) The Lucid body was one book (I spent 3 hours reading because of poor planning and a lack of communication - I seem to ironically have real issues with communication.) The physicality of the actor is so important and now I feel a strong need to seriously take care of my body. ): Never too late right?!

Had a talk by Barbara Santos about Forum Theatre. Rather insightful in terms of the dialogue and video. I found interest in Aesthetics of the Oppress, the creation of raw art from the core of a person - without influence from other "oppressors" or social norms for what is beautiful and what is art. A non-judgemental mind is a key factor to facilitating such art and that's what I wanna work toward developing. Interestingly, a new aspect of TO came up - which was brought up during the dialogue. (: So much I need to review and consider about TO now...to be controversial for the sake of being controversial is meaningless art, almost as good as a pure publicity stunt with no value to add on to it.

Went to Raffles Place with Mark, Jerry, Constance and later Juanita for an awesome, albeit small, birthday celebration. With truths that spilled and controversies that came about. :D It wasn't a big party but it made my birthday feel grand anyway. And I have concluded that my acquired taste for sake lasts for about 5 shots of it. Then it doesn't feel that nice anymore, no matter how "premium" it is.

~~


Wish tis' was for you.

Totally digging this song from Jamie Foxx. Soundtrack off Rio. FUNNIEST PART OF THE MOVIE TOO. XD

The week has been quite a drag for the weekdays. But my weekend has been kicked off with a bang! (:

It's just been rehearsals and work for most of the week. Dreary really. Anyway, FYP is getting into to swing BUT our lecturer has been changed. So now everything is running on a delay before it even starts, and my group hasn't even approached our organization yet. FML much?! And I have so much I wanna say abt the lecturer...but I don't want to be unfair just yet. Srsly, cancelling the first 3 hour FYP class on the first week when we are suppose to alrdy be in negotiations with our organization?! Maybe I'm too flustered. But I do believe that 10 credit units for this module is enough justification to demand a certain amount of commitment from the lecturer too?

On a different note, IT HAS BEEN RAINING MADLY the past few days. And it is still so hot and humid. How the eff?! The weather is just....confusing me now. I don't really wanna buy into global warming crisis  thing, but yea. This is just warped.

Went for RIO with Fairy and Sherri. Had ice cream lunch at Ben & Jerry's with A Cookie Affair, followed on with popcorn (sweet of course) - I forsee type 2 diabetes in my future, uh oh. Loads of interesting stories from Sherri though, about camp and malaysia...& more camp stuff from Fairy.

): I didn't attend camp (totally feeling left out & kinda old). I don't feel the need to get to know my freshies this year. It feels like I'll be forcing myself, because - to be honest, I am pretty sick of school and I do look forward to graduation and doing something more meaningful with my life. Of course, I still want to learn skills and pick up new ones to refine and improve my craft. But being a full time student, it is starting to grate on my nerves how things work. I don't seem to believe in looking for a comfortable job anymore. I want to do something I'm passionate about and something that gives me freedom. And I don't want that to be passed down because I think it is a very mercenary mindset - which is not something people who have big hearts will take kindly to. But it is a necessity, to really make a difference, I suppose. Power is everything to everyone nowadays, eh?

RIO IS AN AWESOME ANIMATION FILM. Overtly cute characters, rather cliche storyline. BUT THE MUSIC AND THE LINES are brilliantly relevant and witty. With some tasty twists to old cliches. Now that's down...I need to make time to watch Limitless before I get UBER BUSY.

Headed down to Fullerton for SRT's Theatre Ball. Which was just GRAND. Srsly, I regret not taking pictures now, but the ballroom was so grandly decked out as a theatre. Everyone who went was dressed to the theme of "all the world's a stage" in the spirit of Shakespeare. Spent most of my time holding 2 heavy flags, half blinded by my hood and dehydrated though. ): And no food. haha, but it was quite the spectacular sight to see. And as politically incorrect as it is to say this (and I'm pretty sure if this gets out I'll find myself with a lot less work in the theatre scene) the emcee was amazingly nasal - and I don't mean he has a cold. The monk robes were awesome though, very warm but very VERY VERY full of panache. For a Shakespearean ball I mean. XD I learnt what rich people do with their money too, waste it on OTT stuff, marvelous, splendid and painfully artistic although temporary - it is like a different world when you walk out, it is warm, dusty and you know people are going hungry for the night.

Well, it has been a pleasant day - loads of fun and eye opening experiences. Looking forward to rehearsals tomorrow from 11am - 5pm. :D I really love doing what I do now. Till the next time, adieu.

~~
There's so much I want to say to you,
So much I need to get off my chest.
But friends don't go that far,
and I don't want to put this to the test.


I'll wait another minute,
take another day.
Just know that it's not forever;
And I may not be here to stay.


Don't wanna be selfish,
But I can't be selfless.
Because to be foolish with your heart,
is to be careless with your life.


I'll wait another minute,
take another day.
Just know that it's not forever;
we are only friends after all.
-levoirthemuse

I am happy.
I am Happy.

I AM HAPPY.

Guess it is time to put the mask back on. 2 years of taking off the mask of dellusion - the same one, that stifled my voice and blurred my vision; for my safety. It was an insulation that never tells anyone much about you. You are expressive, but it isn't your's. You are witty, but you didn't think of them. You are full of emotions, but relate to none. I took it off after I graduated from AC, breathing and relishing in my personality for the first time without a care of my past because those who could judge me were no where near me.

Now after 2 full years. I have a few reputations that preceed me. I have a few different images to different people.I've grown more honest (I'd like to think), less manipulative (having been manipulated) and overall less tolerant to living a mundane life. I'm a walking contradiction. :D That's how every human being is. But I need the mask now, for a stoic, congruent front that will face what's about to come. That's the beauty of a mask, it isn't affect by emotions and will tell no one about you.

It's not a bad thing, the only danger being the indulgence in the mask that makes you just another face in the crowd. People are wearing masks all the time, and those who refuse to stand out, get laughed at or are celebrated. It is nice to wear a mask and I pray I will not forget to take it off.

The soft, moist earth sinks under his boots. The sweet and crisp smell of dew and ozone after the night of rain. Soft beads of sweat and condensation trickles past his collar, into the rough cotton of his checkered shirt. There was a silence in the air, the kind that would cling on to the back of one's mind; willing itself to stay pristine, pure and absolutely untouchable to the human voice.

There was a boy, 10, was looking at the remanants of what was to be his home - his past, his present and what was to be his future. Where the framework of the little pine cabin had once been, was now replaced with thick, viscous mud.

He had loved mother nature once, relishing the warm gentle touch of the sun on his rosy cheeks, running in the grass, feeling the earth between his little toes, picking out earthworms with his tiny fingers only to watch them burrow, sticking out his tongue to taste the sweet nectar of the sky as it opened it's gates. The rosy cheeks were now stained with a mix of mud and blood, his little toes - sore from standing on to the tall oak tree where his tree house was almost complete, his little fingers red from the constant grip that kept him alive and all he tasted now was a bitter thirst that would not be washed away by the rain.

Mommy, Daddy, Granny...they all disappeared when the first wave hit. He had been in the tree house, playing explorer in space, while the roof was not complete. Yet. He hadn't noticed the raising waters on the streets, nor the panic of people running on the streets. It was all about spaceman and astroid monster in that time. Suddenly the tree house shook, and the first sign of fear crept into his heart. It happened so quickly, all his dad's decorations fell out of their frames. Astroid Monster, his favourite villain toy, toppled over. But it didn't bother him, the boy ran to the window of this tree house to ask for help. He got there in time, to see the painted green frame of his home, get carried away by the flood waters.

Then the tree house started to fall apart. The boy scrambled to the middle of the room, grabbing hold of the main branch which his beloved tree house was built around. One of the walls got ripped from it's frame. The second wave had hit harder. Taking Astroid Monster with it. The boy stood where he was, scared and alone, crying himself to sleep - half hanging from the branch.

Now it was safe, the water has gone away. Time to look for mom and dad. Carefully the boy climbed down the oak tree that had kept him safe through the whole time. He jumped into the mud that surrounded the perimeter of the tree, it had run up to his waist. Slowly he waddled through the mud, to where his house once stood. A man had seen him climb down the tree, calling out to him - yet the boy heard nothing while walking home. There was a certain emptiness to his purposeful direction. Suddenly the boy could not feel the ground he walked on, it was all mud. Somehow he had arrived home, and he knew it.

The man across the street, limping to the boy, wondered why he stopped. Only to notice that a few meters away, a car was sinking - much like an oversized toy - into the mud. He panicked and started to drag himself as fast at his body would allow him, headed straight towards the boy. He would be too late.

The boy, 10, was looking at the shades of brown and grey around him. The mud creeped up on him, like the earthworm, he imagined to be burrowing through the soil. Only difference was that this time, he didn't do anything. He just felt the cold moisture and the heaviness of the mud weigh on him. It was up to his neck now, when he noticed a figure moving toward him. It seemed familiar, but the weigh of the mud kept pulling him in. It was over his mouth now, he closed his eyes as his lungs fought for air that bubbled into the thickness of the earth. His mom and dad appeared before him, hugging his mom the boy was carried home where it would be safe. Forever.

The man looked on, to the wasteland before him. A moment ago there were bubbles on the surface, all he needed was a stick to get him back. But as he found it, the surface went still. And stayed that way. The man crumpled - as if the wind had found a weak spot and gave him a punch. His little brother was gone.

MY NEW BOOK!!!!

And this is the last book in the Alex Rider series apparently. Le Sigh, I will miss it dearly. Hahah, this series helped me improve my style of writing and got me an A2 for English. :D AWESOMENESS.

DISLIKE the way the cover is done. I mean it is sexy and all, but it is a fingerprint magnet for me - due to sweaty palms. The matt cover looks like my personal ID tag now. ): Been a while since I got my hands on a good read. Sigh, finances SUCK. I should say I like this book a LOT. LOVE IT TOTALLY. But no, this time something went cold after Alex Rider was experimented on. I guess it is the right effect to have, but I died emotionally with the character too. )': Oh well, he has aged 1 year over the past 4 years I have been reading this series. It is really one of the best series I have come across for fiction.

The week's been pretty full. Loads of things and my days are melting into one another. ACER CHALET!! Was pretty fun, but at a bad timing. With a lot of obligations I have to fulfill while the chalet was on.

Ren Sen's souvenir shot of me in the morning...LOL, I was awake. XD

Lots of hustling and bustling around with Chung Cheng assessments and all. :/ But I manage to make time for birthday celebrations with MOMMY!!!!


We're going up the wrong way, FYI.

Teppanyaki dinner here. Totally selling cuz of the showmanship...


Him. Stoning. At. SOMETHING.

My handroll...which looks almost vegan.

This raw fish platter is one of the better ones I've had in a while...though pricey. ):

Of course, we can't end without a signature honeydew sago. But...this is not my usual one. Bleagh, all sodden and soggy.

Headed to Ben&Jerry's at Dempsey for cake and ice cream. Met a familiar face. Lol, srsly the rate of my running into people randomly these days. I'd think Singapore is small. BUT NOT THAT SMALL.

Which bring me to the topic. I've had a streak this past 3 days. First, the run in with Alex @ Ben & Jerry's, then the day after I ran into Mun Ling @ White Dog Cafe at work, later that night into Nicholas from ACERs at Queenstown MRT and TODAY. OMG. TODAY. Ran into Sarah (Production Manager?) at White Dog Cafe having lunch. LOL...DAYUM. With my luck, I could might as well have a bag of diamonds accidentally delivered to my doorstep.

~~

I'm coming home, I'm coming home
Tell the world I'm coming home.
Let the rain wash away,
All the pain of yesterday.
I know my kingdom awaits;
and they've forgiven my mistakes.
I'm coming home, I'm coming home.
Tell the world I'm coming...

Singapore Children Society TiE Programme is OVER AND DONE WITH!!!! No more worrying about TiE for free this holiday! YAY!!!! Hahahah, damn I didn't know I could feel so elated to not be doing something for free anymore. The process was definitely fun and fulfilling in terms of emotional value. That feeling the comes from having come up with a project from scratch and watching it blossom to actually be applied into the lives of children. (:

It was a long day though. At least for Yi Kai & I (along with Polly who had reminiscence theatre), after SCS we went to Bugis for lunch. Where we waited to meet the Reminiscence theatre group, while having lunch @ The Soup Spoon. Apparently the group had gone to that temple at that place around bugis and someone was asking questions. :D So we took our time eating and met Polly at Illuma's Koi. Met up with the group. Headed to Esplanade, where I ate more pasta. (with a pasta bomb from me - cuz SOMEONE knocked his arm on the table and took 2 seconds to go ouch.) XD Thank god nothing got on anyone but me. Headed down to Marsiling for our CMU roadshow! Once again as an UNCLE!!

Horrid night, focus was all over the place. The audience was...uhm...nvm. What audience energy was there apart from the front 2 rows? I can't remember. But yea, generally we just got screwed over cuz of the performance standard. ): Le Sigh.

SUNDAY NIGHT SAVED THE WEEKEND!!!

Met Kenneth for a lunch, which was suppose to include Frederick and WJ but neither could make it. Went for lunch then went to play Halo. LOL...what a life on a sunday afternoon. I WANT AN XBOX 360. DAMMIT. 2 years since it's release and I still haven't played Halo 3. WHAT THE HECK!?! I am deprived of my belated childhood. D:

Went down to meet Yi Kai & Co. at Bugis later to celebrate Veron's Birthday. Original plan, go to Blu-Jazz, cut cake there and chill. Eventual plan, went to blu jazz - it was closed, walked to NLB - had cake and songs & walk to Pump room @ Clarke Quay for drinks and stuff. (: Had some pretty good photos, I tried my first Mai Tai. Everyone had colourful drinks (incl. Minyu's Shirley's Temple. Hehe~) live band playing. Talking over the loud music abt...mature stuff. :x And had a mad rush for trains!! That sums up most of the highlights.

Photos up soon. Kinda. When it is up.

Don't tell me what to think, you haven't seen what I have solved and what I have thrown out.
Don't tell me what to feel, you haven't walked the road that I've been on or gained a calloused sense of relations that comes with standing tall through all consequences.
Don't tell me what to say, because the words I have strung together are complete because of the order and not the words.
Don't tell me what I should dream about, because I know how big the world is and how much there is to grasp.

I am afraid of commitment, not because of the consequence. But the fear of a lack of it from the other party. We learn from a young age that all actions come wrapped with a consequence. I have chosen to live a life of fulfillment, not safety. I will not settle for second best, lest it kills the spirit and puts me back in line with all the other middles - middle age, middle class, middle of the line, middle man - trudging along with the majority. Being a benchmark of survival, instead of life.

Poetry is something I want to get out. But the words cling on to the back of my throat and the ink refuses to run onto the pristine white of the paper. Almost as if to say poetry is not your cup of tea, move along and be content. Being bound by social expections, I've kept it in too long. Throw shame and self consciousness to the dogs. I'll rather be a bad joke than a passing line. :P