Presenting, ALAN'S JOURNEY!

Comprising of Ethan, Natalie, Ash and I. The former three are mad awesome people!!! And we just decided to do a over of Playing God because we love the song. Enjoy!


Put on the mask. Experience the emotion. No need to imprint it onto someone else. Harden the mask.

Internship will happen soon. I don't know how to say how I care. How will I teach drama to kids when I know that the magic of drama is reversible and you can turn back into a hollow mask? I believe in the power of drama, but I don't have the right to administer it now. Do I?

525 600 Minutes, how do you measure - measure a year?

So I've been thinking. I am introverted, but I seem like an extrovert. I am shy, but it comes across as arrogance when I only talk to people I know and don't introduce myself. Now I know that rude. Not introducing myself I mean.

But hey, aren't there days when you just wake up in the morning and feel super extroverted and you love the world? Well, I have those days. I also have days when I just wake up in the morning and wonder why the hell do I want to make new friends when I just have the treasure those whom I alrdy have. Then I will start thinking of things I do for my friends, and I worry that I am not a very good friend.

Friends are suppose to call each other and talk. What about? I don't know. Life? I've sat in so many social cliques and social settings, but most of the time it is just finding stuff to do on a boring day. As friends we laugh at other people who are funny, but we do not dare to do anything that would break our social reputation. I have times when I suddenly grow ballz of steel and not care about such trivial stuff, but then along comes a judgmental dick who insults because of his insecurities. Then, being the conflict avoidant person I am, I duck and hide.

But then how am I gonna be a good actor if I am shy? Well, it bothers me. And I guess it is something I'll have to look at. Hmm...but for now, confidence seems to be arrogance to people. I give up.

Been quite a week. I should be doing my CDI essay and game design right now. But I just can't. I feel paralyzed by the fact that I have no learnt anything from games design and well the essay is just screwed up. But, on other news INTO THE WOODS WAS AWESOME!!!!

I really enjoyed it, although there were certain comedic moments that were rushed through without enough time for laughter - that or the mature adult audience were being really conservative about their thoughts. Company for it was kinda...blah. BUT IT FELT AWESOMELY LIBERATING TO BE THE ONLY ONE LAUGHING IN A ROW OF ADULTS. WEIRDLY. :D

Okay, I've had enough of this.
I do not have to justify myself to you, unless it is my choice.
I exercise this freedom as and when I feel like it.
You may pester me, throttle me down with your insecurities -
but don't EVER expect me to bend to you.


You're a friend, yes.
You're a fellow brother, maybe.
You're my BEST friend, perhaps.
But by no means will I explain myself and what I do to you.


Yes, I am two-faced, bipolar or schizophrenic,
take your go at labeling me.
I am a puppet to my mind,
a mask to my whims.
I have a million facades to my one self.
Who doesn't?


"A ticking time bomb."
I've grown to be numb to that which threatens to shackle.
I live, liberal and free in my own thoughts.
You live for the being of others.
There is passive aggression, frustration.


Frustration at the lack of any vision.
Frustration at the contentment with being inadequate.
Frustration at the willingness to let go of the bigger picture for small satisfaction.
No more, no more.

No more energy sapping dullness.
No more contented failure.
No more dreamless tomorrows.
This is where I bite the thread and pull. Snap.

I wanna be where the high rollers are.
Where the light isn't feared.
Where people look at each other and see confidence instead of arrogance.
Where dreamers walk and visionaries gaze.
Where eyes look beyond fear, frustration and hopelessness.
To find my hidden muse for liberation of my creative energy.

Honestly, it is just a fancy way to say get a life or F - off.


Cheers!

Behind this window, looking out. Never looking in. Why?
What's so interesting on the outside that you can't pull away?
The little droplets of dew and condensation on the window,
the concrete jungle that lies beyond all that barren land.
Blink. Focus. Keep it together.
Look back in.
Tinkle. Tinkle. Crash.
The room is small - cosy. Yes, cosy is a better word.
Hardly the right choice. Look at the anarchy within.
Broken glass, splintered wood, twisted metal laced with blood and gasoline.
Door opens, step out.
Slam shut. Damp carpet. Smells of gasoline.


Turn left. Second door to the left.
Botched blue paint. Squeeze lock tab. Heave.
Crackle and drag. The pierce of wood against wood.
The room that was grown out of an forgotten. The world seemed so big here.
The wallpaper aged, the wood in the floor gone slack, mold eating into the ceilings. A lone, wide window.
Reckon there was a lot of looking out there as a child. For stars and moons, since it is north-facing.
Torn teddies and broken barbies. Grimy, dusty and at this point in time - pure spook.
Quietly tiptoe out so the toys won't know. Creak door shut.
Cringe at slam.


Turn right. Back up to the first room.
Passing glance. Move on.
Arrive at red door. Smile. Turn knob. Ease it open.
Lights flowing around. The light musk of perfume and hairspray. The lights surround.
Gentle grazing on the skin, warmth and light fuzz. They grow warmer.
Room starts heating up. Lights dart around now.
Harsh stings on skin, followed by a trail of blood in a fresh wound.
Arms shelter eyes. Head curls down. Back off!
Snaps door shut.


Hands in pocket. A metal encasement.
Pull out.
Weigh in hand.
Look.
A lighter.
Click. Open. Flick. Flames.
Click. Darkness.
Turn right. Fire escape. Kick open.
Alarms go. Screams. Silent, muffled, mischievous to blood-curling howls of agony.
Look out. Why? Why step out?
Click. Open. Flick. Flame.
Toss.


Because we are in a burning room.