I really should be completing my student's SYF script, but who knew that thinking of things for people to say + making each character individual was such a chore. If they had a very specific characteristic, they then become too one-dimensional. Fuck. Writing is a bitch. But that's not the point of this post or why I am here.

To love what you do.

I've been thinking about that now. I love what I do, but I hate what it is doing to me. I've realized that I am spending most of my leisure time thinking about drama and how the industry works, the stories that are worth being told. The stories that need to be told. The ones that matter, that can't be tied down to commerce. The ones that no one really wants to hear but is happening. How to get into the industry. How to break away from the pack. How to know what I do is really what I want. What do I want to create? Is it ethically worth creating? Is drama even worth all this - even after all the magic I've seen it create.

Celebrity is ridiculous.

Now, this is not a righteous statement. I have been a victim of this celebrity culture that seems to have taken the world by a storm. From rags to riches, the dream of millions. Talented actors and actresses, models, fashionitas, vloggers, musicians, athletes and socialites. The amount of time taken to worry about how one is perceived by the world. Isn't it just horrendous when your livelihood is dependent on how well you make yourself look? "Too fat." "Too short." "Too lanky." "Too pale." "Too dark." "Too pudgy." "Too pasty." "Awful." "That's nice dear, but you are not suitable for the role."

How much vanity can this form of work take? I ain't one to judge. I'd love an opportunity to act on stage and be amongst the "Stars" who shine as one of the Superclass. But at what cost? Now the talented can be "distinguished" from the untalented or potentials because of the jobs they get. But what is the criteria really? You constantly hear people who get jobs, said to be weaker than others who could be a better fit. As an actor or actress this is bound to get to you. You start considering what the entire industry is based upon and will quickly realize that it is a contacts game. Which is why people party hard, get overtly and excessively generous with "friends" that can give benefits and are willing to ditch past contacts for opportunities. Nothing wrong with it, everyone has the rights to do the same. But is this work really worth that? To tell stories, truths about the human condition, to share humanity - to eventually stumble upon the need to lead 2 lives of portraying what you love on stage and playing the direct contrary immediately off stage.

But that's the actor's life.

There is the other side of drama for me as a facilitator.

The create and retell stories through dramatic experience. This one has 3 issues.
a) There is no funding a lot of the times and there are hoops to jump through all the time.
b) There is also the perceived relevance of the subject, and as the facilitator I feel it is prudent to choose projects that you have emotional investment and knowledge about. If you have no business meddling with prisoners/abusers/at-risk-personnel, don't fucking do it unless you are very clear about where the lines are.
c) People who you want to go through the process with may not want to, deal with it.

Through it all, the root of this is storytelling. I love a good story. Project SMILE has recapped an important part about stories for me. The reason why people tell stories.

Why?

Of all the 5Ws and what not, this is probably the most important one. People tell stories for various reasons. To recount an event for memory. To re-experience the moment of the occurrence. To rediscover a lesson in the experience. To work through an event. To find a source of guidance for oneself through sharing the story. I think the history and heritage of storytelling is a rich on. From telling stories to control behaviour to telling stories to bring people together or creating rift - words have such a profound impact on people and metaphor seems to be a language everyone understands but cannot unanimously agree on.

It seems to me that there is only 1 variable to the craft of storytelling that is "subjective" or "based on opinion" which is the interpretation of the metaphor, be it present or not. Hence "art" isn't that different from science once we take that variable away. There are standards to meet in all art. Anyone who says otherwise is at best ignorant of the supply-demand chain of the industry. It works like any other business. There are suppliers and there are consumers, only in this case of our celebrity culture - the consumers feed the suppliers with the idealistic product of a "dream life" which is nothing more than a facade to get more consumers(failed actors/drama students/indie film makers) in the other aspects of the industry's middle man - agencies that manage artists, photography studios, automobile, advertising...etc. the list goes on.

I guess this is me just avoiding writing by writing. Am I spending too much time thinking about what I love doing that I am not living life? Everyone seems to like the idea of happy people with smiles all over their faces and joy in their eyes. What if I am happy doing all this, just without the need to laugh all the time are random shit and pretending that I'm all interested in life as defined by someone else? Just what if.

...If I could just find a decent business proposal to invest in.

"Think independently" - Warren Buffett.