I must say, I do relish in the role of a counsellor. Mostly because my "counsellie" do not know that I have the same level of uncertainty in my own life as they do in theirs. I have information, I do know how to customize my words to fit your auditory needs - that's what I try to do as an actor, to communicate ideas which inform through means that you desire. I'll play the funny guy most of the time, to get you to relax in the new environment which I am most hopelessly stuck in. Make the conversation personal - so you can express certain thinking patterns you have and values you hold, which usually do not vary a lot from other people whom I have met before. I love you as a person all the same, because that's what I am good at. I like people and because of people - I hate people too. Go figure that out. But my desire to get to know people and their stories and their motivation will not stop. I'm just a busy body, I suppose. I know what I know and I share what I know, but to be honest - once you say goodbye to me - I care as much about your future as I do about what's for breakfast. (I don't worry about breakfast because in the army it is usually boring.)

I digress for a while. I'm down. I should stay off social media while I'm in this state. But fuck it, I'll press on anyway and hammer my thoughts out.

So onwards, everyone tells me what they don't want to do. What they are not interested in. But most importantly, they have no idea what they want. And it irritates me that no teacher ever thought to tell their students that the world is what they want it to be - apart from the rules that are currently in place. Rules were meant to be broken and bend - ripped to pieces if they must. It pains me to see people, leaving their decisions in the hands of whoever they admire out of sheer validation. Do it for yourself sweet heart. And no it is not too late. Time is not an issue. Desire is. What you want is important - so fight for it. No matter what the odds are. Because the world doesn't just operate on papers. Adults say "In Singapore, you need papers to survive." What do they know? For all we know, 5 years down the road a different world awaits. (though, unlikely.) It is the willpower and discipline that gets you anywhere. I am not proud of my past - but I will keep walking to the future that I want. I wouldn't have it any different, regrets and all.

With what I want to say. I'm PISSED OFF. I volunteered for counselling. I do my job. I go ask people to come to the room and I get told off. Fuck. And then I spend the whole night helping people figure out what they want, miss out on the fun of socializing and meeting new friends. Fantastic really. Yasmine Reza said in The God of Carnage "Courtesy is a waste of time, it weakens and undermines you." I agree. It does. The social trap of being nice is stupid - establish dominance at the start and it takes wit to stay on top. Once there - the world is your oyster, isn't it?

Why are girls always so NICE. It is sickening. I like them because they are nice, but they don't know how to be blunt and direct when needed. Look gals, I'm not stupid - I know when you don't like me. But I'll keep trying because I have that sort of issues and I'll still be friends with you. Just don't use that borderline flirting tone when talking to me. It confuses the fuck out of me - although I know nothing will come out of it anyway.

BACK TO YASMINE REZA - The God of Carnage, genius. "A man oughta know how to be alone, don't ya think?" Nights.