So I'm down this lane again.

Lets make it clear. I've never been this vulnerable to anyone before and at this point, I am lost. You say this, then ask about that. Keep the demeanor of a saint and ask me about the devil's cocktail.

I am not pure of faith. I do believe in a God, a higher force, that worked something out of a theoretical nothingness. But it isn't the same as your institutionalized belief. I believe in ethics and that life should be lived in accordance to certain standards. But I am in no way holy or of a certain calibre of religion.

This night is cold, mostly because of my air conditioning. Hurhur, COLD JOKES - pun intended. But I'm kept wide awake by the thoughts that rush in and out of my head.

That smile. Those stone cold eyes. The enchanted giggle. The creeping tears. The silence, both comforting and distancing. The light just outlining the iris. Those rosy cheeks who hold joy and playfulness. You truly are a work of the greatest artist.

I'm average everything. Pretty much covers me, average.

I'm blessed to have you crossed my path in life. And I am cursed to have hurt you. And now you hold me off with a reason and doubt. That trust is no longer held between us, not by you for me. Because I have cheated, making you feel insufficient and lacking when all you ever were to me was beautiful and fulfilling. My friendship was not to make up for anything you lacked. It was to satisfy my own desire to be a friend. But the explanation is too late- the deed is done. The laceration has long since burnt through your heart and lungs.

If I could stop everything and rewind time. I would have taken myself from her side and put it into time to think of words of wonders for you. Yet all she ever told me was- you are perfect. No human, is perfect, but I'll agree and say I've never met someone so close to the ideal - you.

Give up, fool. Be happy that she allows me by her side. Yet, how can you just be happy once you've tasted elation? The ecstasy of being the person beside...you.

I cannot say it enough now. So hear me out until I'm done. You are beautiful.
When I said I've seen prettier girls, I lied.
When I said I've met smarter and wittier girls, I lied.
When I said, I know hotter girls. Well that's KINDA true. But no, I lied.
When I said, you caught my eye the moment you walked in- that was a truth. And you never fail to do so. Oddly enough, although we may have walked on different levels where eyes don't meet. Somehow when you and I are in the vicinity, we spot each other. You know what I'm talking about.

YOU ARE BREATH-TAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL. And don't you ever, forget that or let anyone tell you otherwise.

I still feel a lot, but love and war are the same. Soldier on everyday, and just pray that this losing battle may one day be won- or that my heart may die in battle.

Amen.