It hurts because it matters. You are the sole person I desire - is that a sin? That jealousy may make itself master within me because I care too much. I am hurting. Yet, how do you capture a beautiful bird without killing its spirit? (a koan I know by heart for myself - yet is applicable to so many things in life.) But that is enough for the night.


Daisies and chrysanthemum, a card of deep red merlot, gold and white ink. It was almost like a fairytale - but fairies thrive there. Thus I'll remember that meeting - where everything was shifting the entire day. We had watched the Croods due to last minute changes - BELT! Dum dum dum!!! This was followed by a therapy of touch. Flesh upon flesh - rubbing and melting tension. You were radiant after the experience - irresistable. A pleasant dinner to close the evening with bubble tea after. You seemed in bliss. We travelled and walked in the rain with a broken umbrella, haha - where we both insisted we were waterproof but insisted the other use the umbrella. Eventually huddling between the spaces of dripping away and being dripped on. We arrive at your gate - hold on. Flowers. You seem delighted - so happy. There and then, melting in the rain - it was magical. Unforgettable. It took me back to when I bussed down from Bukit Timah - for your first kiss. The urgency, yet timelessness. It was passionate, but light to the touch. Lingering. This time I manage to pull away first - still craving more. We part ways - and let the evening have us.
Absolute confidence. :P


Truth or Dare?
Truth.

My top 3 memories of us that will always stay my favourites - as you asked and I mindlessly answered to-night with rubbish - are:
1) The Croods/ Massage.
2) The First Kiss.
3) Good Friday/CUPCAKES (this was 2 separate events - but they are tied and are from the same weekend!)

I thank god for every moment with you - and pray for the moments to come. I have to leave now for another world - one where dreams are only in the spaces you escape to. Intangible and distant.

Reader.
My heart aches,
It burns with emotions
Like a red-hot brand
Searing, sizzling, tearing
through raw, moist
Untouched flesh.

To feel alive
Awake
Is to be of the either;
The serendipitous get together
Or when from whence,
torn asunder.

Reader.
When charcoal and shadowy shoals
Of cloud and smoke
Cover your metaphorical
Metaphysical
Meta- whatever you will.
Eyes.
You see what lies in reality.
The same reality people-
Run, jump, swim, drive from.
People-
Smoke, drink, dance, buy from.
Because reality,
Hurts.

To feel alive.
It is to drink from the sacred chalice
To run with the roman chariots
To fight amongst the myrmidon warriors
To dance with the masked courtesans
To walk with the hopeful beggars
To feast with the wisest kings
To feel.
With absolute vigor and abandon.

Yes, reality hurts
But it can also hold great
Wonders in abatement
The shiny, shimmery
Corals - can be touch
Held.
Admired.
Loved.

~

Poems,
Have always held me down
They are not like your temporary,
Ordinary. Pick. Me. Up.

No avid poet am I
That I conjure with ease
Rhythm and rhyme
But they bring sweet, sweet
Solace and peace.