I am...

Leroy Yap

Taurus

i'm born at 23rd April '92, living out my dreams. if you want my email, please contact me, either in msn or through tagboard.

INTERESTS

I'm chillin' to the tunes of my guitars, wondering about a future in drama, thinking about performances and finding that piece of myself.


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the gone memories
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credits

daisy's the designer. pictures owned by designer. forgotton the origin of brushes, sorry. please notify me if you know where it come from. thanks.

Sunday, June 30, 2013
The Typ...

"Everybody needs a place. It shouldn't be inside someone else." - Richard Siken

The Type by Sarah Kay

If you grow up the type of woman men want to look at,
You can let them look at you.
But do not mistake eyes for hands,
Or windows for mirrors.
Let them see what a woman looks like.
They may not have ever seen one before.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to touch,
You can let them touch you.
Sometimes it is not you they are reaching for.
Sometimes it is a bottle, a door, a sandwich, a Pulitzer, another woman -
But their hands found you first.
Do not mistake yourself for a guardian, or a muse, or a promise, or a victim or a snack.
You are a woman -
Skin and bones, veins and nerves, hair and sweat
You are not made of metaphors,
Not apologies, not excuses.

If you grow up the type of woman men want to hold,
You can let them hold you.
All day they practice keeping their bodies upright.
Even after all this evolving it still feels unnatural,
Still strains the muscles, holds firm the arms and spine.
Only some men will want to learn what it feels like to curl themselves into a question mark around you,
Admit they don’t have the answers they thought they would by now.
Some men will want to hold you like the answer.
You are not the answer.
You are not the problem.
You are not the poem, or the punchline, or the riddle, or the joke.

Woman, if you grow up the type of woman men want to love,
You can let them love you.
Being loved is not the same thing as loving.
When you fall in love,
It is discovering the ocean after years of puddle jumping.
It is realising you have hands.
It is reaching for the tightrope after the crowds have all gone home.
Do not spend time wondering if you are the type of woman men will hurt.
If he leaves you with a car alarm heart.
You learn to sing along.
It is hard to stop loving the ocean,
Even after it’s left you gasping, salty.
So forgive yourself for the decisions you’ve made,
The ones you still call mistakes when you tuck them in at night,
And know this.
Know you are the type of woman who is searching for a place to call yours.
Let the statues crumble.
You have always been the place.
You are a woman who can build it yourself.
You are born to build.

For you.
-

I guess this is where acceptance of reality sinks in.

It will be one-sided and will continue to be so indefinitely.

Born in the wrong era, acting upon the wrong time, yet everything felt so right, so real and so immersive. "I'm not hungry, lets have dinner."

But at the end of the day, I am human. I need to forgive myself and carry out the work that I need to do. I will not repress or suppress, there is nothing to defend against. Anxiety, after all is an experience on its own.

We will either die heroes, or live long enough to see ourselves turn into villains.

So much more to sort out and process. To clean up and make clear - so that I know the answer to the fundamental question.

Who am I?


And so it stands, I've learnt to feel, taste, look, listen and smell once again. There is my own list of things to thank you for.

I've fallen. But this is a fall forward, to stand up, dust off and keep walking - until perhaps one day, our paths cross again so that we may be something more. Maybe. Or Mayhaps.

--

A Dangerous Method.

There is so much more to find out and see in the current field of psychology. It'll be hardly fair to miss all the fun! :D

Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tales of the Sun and Moon.

“People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of Love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon.”

- Brida, Paulo Coelho 

There is a time and place for everything. The universe, or as you'd put it- God, doesn't create coincidences without reason.

Lessons to be learnt, unique to each individual. 

The concept of a "soul mate" revisited. Somehow my gut senses tells me I may have found mine. And being young and selfish in my way of recognition - I have betrayed the most vulnerable human experience. There is a price to pay for that. I need to relook and center myself again. Find my awareness. My being.

There are paths I have to consciously choose to walk down. I pray for the wisdom to recognize these choices and the awareness of life in the moments I make those decisions. For they make up the being of the future.

The present redeems the past, making the future. I seek answers and understanding of the world around me. To always be aware that I am, like any other who has come and walked before me upon the paths. To learn my gift. That there is no better or worse. There just is. Explanations are not necessary all the time when living and experiencing is concerned. 

I fear love but embrace it. We all know of its lights and energy- but the shadows casted in its presences are unsettling and the forces are destructive. Maybe deconstruction prepares us for what comes next?

To be thankful, God has provided me with abundance and a cargo load of good will. I've been blessed with a brilliant vocation in the army, an experience of love I wouldn't trade the world for, an understanding of people when I look at the vast personalities around me and guidance in my dark nights.

Faith. Hope. Love.