#NowPlaying I'd rather be with you - Joshua Radin



I need to be bold,
need to jump in the cold water,
need to grow older with a girl like you.
Finally see you are naturally
the one to make it so easy.
When you show me the truth.
Yeah, I'd rather be with you.
Say you want the same thing too.

It is true - the weekends are the hardest as we predicted.

It is 12mn here. I'm wondering what you are doing and I'm picturing you - with your beautiful sun beamed faced, laughing amongst friends. Secretly eyeing that one hottie or guy who has piqued your interest in that moment. I smile for you - that picture is immensely beautiful and it is what I want for you.

But behind all that - a small prick, it starts like a hypodermic needle to the sternum. I barely feel it. Then it spreads, a numbing cold followed by slight contractions of the muscles that follow behind the wavefront - like crisp pieces of paper, crumpled by sudden freezing. Then envy and jealousy rears itself. The picture vanishes and I'm left with your tears. Goodbyes and the very thing I want to avoid.

Letting go is hard. For now, I suppose my touch will be bare and light. You won't feel me there and maybe you'll forget me. We've said that we'll make time for each other - yet here is the start of how life is putting us apart. I'm staring at skype - you are uncontactable. No, I don't hold it against you. It is fine, these things slip our mind. But I'm fighting - I'm fighting to keep this all together. I've let too many precious people, the ones who matter, slip between my fingers to the sands of time.

Work keeps me occupied and ambition fills my day. The nights get tough and I surrender to my own emotions - let the thoughts come in tidal waves. Preparing the mail, surprises, gifts, plans - allowing myself to love with reckless abandon.
It grates and it hurts to be out here - expressing how I feel after losing everything I fought for to sheer immaturity and a lack of faith. Yet, it is always worth it - just to know your day is made a little better.

I love you, probably will do so for a long time coming, that will never change. So I'll wait.
But that doesn't change anything now, does it?