my addict.

Friday, November 8, 2013

When you know better, you do better.

Soundtrack: Passenger- Patient Love (All the Little Lights Album)

It still haunts me when I wake from my slumber.

The joy. The pain. The hour's ride for 5mins and a moment.

Breaking up is never an easy process.

This is only a part of me:

I'm not an easy person to love. Ask my best friends. Ask those who loved me for who they thought I was. Ask the ones who have lived with me for half their lives, my family. Ask the little one who has lived with me all his life, my brother. Ask those who haven't arrived at the doorstep of acquintance, who pass over like I've had blood smeared on the door. Ask me.

I love people.

I'll stand by that statement.

Looking around now, my social circle is probably a wasteland compared to what I had a year ago. Misjudgement, selfishness, ego, desire and greed.

All that in exchange for knowledge and understanding of the human condition and of the individuals whom I still care about. I probably wouldn't do much to change it if I went back in time. (Okay, one or two things would definitely be changed.)

I'm not sorry that I shattered the rose tinted glasses you saw me through. I'm not jealous of your happiness. I'm not jealous that people around you make you happier than I do.

I just wish, so hard- before I sleep every night that you'll know, I love you.

Yes, it is self-serving. Yes, it is egotistical to put out a statement like that. But when I say it, it isn't an empty bullet- it isn't a feel good statement. I just want you to know.

It isn't any of my business. But it is. It is who I am and I'm damn proud of it.

"I've learnt that I still have a lot to learn. I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

This is my problem. This is me taking ownership of it. I won't say it anymore. Not until I can scream it out at the top of my lungs to the world in front of you.

'Till the time when we can laugh and kiss under the moonbeam again.

Leroy Yap

Twits...